Monday, 3 March 2014

The numbness of lack of sleep

I am completely aware that not sleeping is poor for one's health, nonetheless, at times I grab on to the soothing, yet unsettling numbness that comes from not having had any sleep during the night. 

Here's what happened last time I experienced this:

One night I decided I would skip the sleeping that I am too familiar with, and just listen to music the whole night, and talk to a dear friend of mine, that too stays up late, yet he didn't have school the next morning, unlike me. I saw time going past me like a smug fucker, portraying himself in my alarm clock: 4:15, 5:05, 7:20 - the red digits glared at me, as if they knew I should be asleep, yet I ignored their silent warning, and just listened to My Bloody Valentine and The Horrors.

I felt particularly calm when the time came for me to get out of bed and walk to school. As the wind hit my cheek softly, I started to really feel the numb feeling washing through my body. It was calmly exciting, and I started to question a lot more than normal, my existence being one of them. I felt nothing, as I trod the school corridors. I looked into nothing during classes, wanting nothing, except to not think about anything that was.

There is something quite appealing to this state. Everything could be crashing and burning around me, and nothing I would feel. What an attractive thought.

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